Big Girls Don't Cry (at Work) - PhillyBlog

WashWestDad · #1 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 02:09 PM

Is it taboo for women to cry at work? The historical explanation for different gender attitudes about crying is especially interesting.

From today's NY Times:

Quote:

Big Girls Don't Cry

By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM
Published: October 13, 2005

WHEN women first joined the executive ranks of corporate America a generation ago, they donned sober slacks and button-down shirts. They carried standard-issue briefcases and adopted their male colleagues' stoicism.

More than two decades later, women have stopped trying to behave like men, trading in drab briefcases for handbags and embracing men's wear only if it is tailored to their curves. Yet there is one taboo from the earlier, prefeminist workplace that endures: women are not allowed to cry at the office. It is a potentially career-marring mistake that continues to be seen as a sign of weakness or irrationality, no less by women themselves than by men.

[snip]

Men learned [not to show emotion at work] back in the late 18th and early 19th centuries, when the Industrial Revolution structured the workplace and the workday, and required a disciplined work force, said Tom Lutz, the director of the M.F.A. writing program at the California Institute of the Arts and the author of "Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears." Factory managers trained their workers to be calm and rational, the better to be productive. "You don't want emotions interfering with the smooth running of things," Mr. Lutz said.

Women for the most part did not receive this particular kind of on-the-job training. Nor did they usually learn, as boys did, that it was acceptable to express frustration in other ways.

niel · #2 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 02:11 PM

It's kind of hinted at in that clip, but of course it wouldn't really be a brilliant career move for a man to cry either. Crying on the job is in general something one wants to try to avoid, I think.

bluecuracao · #3 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 02:15 PM

I don't think it's taboo. I've seen both men and women cry at work, and what that says to me is that the workplace has gotten WAY too stressful.

GMonkey · #4 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 02:20 PM

Crying is natural, but yes to do so at work is taboo. There have been studies that women's opinions are naturally thought of as less reliable than men's opinions. The world thinks that we are ruled by our uterus and our hormones and crying at work is just another way to support that theory. I don't think that it's right, that's just how it is.

I've only cried at work due to non work related things. My sister called me at work to inform me of my grandfathers death. My coworkers and I sat and watched the towers fall on 9/11 in the conference room and there wasn't a dry eye in sight, male or female. But crying because of a boss yelling at me, or a client being upset, NEVER! I'd go hang out in the bathroom before letting someone see that.

Oops--I lied. I did cry while reading the Giving Tree to the little ones during storytime at Barnes & Noble.

BromBroms · #5 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 02:26 PM

My job really sucks so I've been known to cry occasionaly - in the bathroom because I don't want anyone to have the satisfaction of knowing the job really gets to me. However, I would rather see someone cry then act like my male co-worker who often screams at workers, curses, and then turns beat red like he's going to have a heart attack. When he first started working here I thought he would be the type of guy to come to work and shoot us all. Now I realize that he's so stressed out that he freaks out as a result. Anyone hiring an Office Manager?

GMonkey · #6 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 02:31 PM

[quote=BromBroms]My job really sucks so I've been known to cry occasionaly - QUOTE]

Isn't it messed up that in order to survive many have to work jobs that do this to us? I suppose we should feel fortunate to have a job, but since we spend more waking hours working than not, wouldn't it be great to have a job we looked forward to rather than cried while we were there? I've had it with corporate life, so I'm going to school to style hair and make money being creative and making people feel better about how they look. I just know I'll cry if I screw up someone's hair, though!

kathryno · #7 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 02:46 PM

I cried once at my old job en route to my supervisor's office. I just couldn't hold it in. But after that, I felt like that arseholes at the office who were the reason I cried got too much satisfaction from it, and I felt like they believed they could get to me. I felt like I lost all credibility.

rhawnhurst diva · #8 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 03:22 PM

I cried in work publicly once (I shed a few tears to some bad news on the phone, but I did it privately in the cube) in front of my supervisor and vice president. It was 3 years of major frustration that I kept bottled up, and I lost it when they were bringing someone in with a lot less experience than me at a higher position than me, and they couldn't explain to me why (I never had a bad review, and my work was good).

However, I knew then that I needed to look for another job. I believed no job was worth coming in and being so stressed that I would break down crying in the office. I found a better job, have a lot fewer grey hairs,

and I'm much happier these days.

lawmummy · #9 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 03:26 PM

A partner once yelled at me so much that I cried the whole way home - ran my car into a pole. I quit soon after.

fivetonine · #10 (**permalink**) 10-13-2005, 04:01 PM

Agree with the consensus here. Our office manager is regularly verbally abused and dressed down by the head guy around here and is often fighting back tears. There are days where she leaves early to work from home because she's unable to control her tears of frustration and humiliation. To me, that spells "time to look for a new job." That's a TERRIBLE way to manage people.

Personally, I've never cried on a job due to a manager or supervisor's actions. It's more like me to get angry rather than cry when something like that happens. It's still looked at as a sign of weakness for men OR women to cry at work, but I think we women are often worried about how we will be perceived if this happens.