I was just talking about this with someone the other day. Civility has really taken a hit due to email, cell phones, text messages, etc. We're so connected and disconnected at the same time.

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"If you think you're too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."

--Bette Reese

ding ding ding! we have the right answer.

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Is it ghey that I love this song so much?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl_Wc6Nm8lc

I guess you could say I'm not as jaded about "stuff" such as enduring love yet...

then again, i'm told that many if not most women, don't like the jealous guy types. I've been burned on that one myself. So why would she *try* to make our PBer jealous?!

to me, it just seems this girl (and she's not a woman) isn't ready for a relationship. very fickle. immature. i would not want to get burned by one of those again.

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Is it ghey that I love this song so much?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl_Wc6Nm8lc

I guess you could say I'm not as jaded about "stuff" such as enduring love yet...

I don't think that they like "crazy" jealous, but they want you to be jealous enough to know that you want them.

then it seems premature to ask her not to see anyone else. If you really like her and want to be exclusive, then give her good reasons for her to *want* to go out only with *you*. Simple things like honesty (sharing your concerns about a possible layoff), caring (offer a definate plan for something that she would enjoy), and keeping a lid on the BS (jealousy, over analyzing the situation, and paranoia) will go a long way towards this.

To me, dating doesn't need to be that complicated unless you really enjoy the drama. You find a bunch of people who are tolerable, and then whittle it down to the one who helps you to be your best self and you help to be their best self.

Good luck to you in finding what you want.

e

If I want a gal, I don't beat around the bush. If I like her, she'll usually know, in a good way, because she'd usually be the center of my attention. Alas, some get put off by such directness as well. So if someone I liked pulled a stunt like this one in the OP's scenario, my reaction would be "fine, good luck with your life. Too bad my heart was set on you but you're too immature for me and I would rather try and move on." Of course I wouldn't say it like that in an e-mail, but basically my heart would be broken and I would try and move on after giving a courteous reply wishing her good luck with the other guy.

Plus, isn't the essence of a successful long term relationship the meeting of the two needs in a balace, viz a person's need to be loved by someone and that person's need to also be their own person and have that self-respect? Anytime a relationship skews too far away from that balance, it's really doomed. In this case, the OP likes the girl but she seems too self-centered to love him back...now if he pursues her, it'll be at the risk of hurting his self-respect. I could be way over-shooting the scenario though...

What's a single guy to do!? Other than have the good fortune to fall ass backwards into the treasure-trove of women like our OP has been able to do recently.... And don't tell me "appreciate our flip-flops" and "cook for us" hehe

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Is it ghey that I love this song so much?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl_Wc6Nm8lc

I guess you could say I'm not as jaded about "stuff" such as enduring love yet...

that's well put, and is what i strive for as well. Although, in this case, does it mean you could be going out on dates with several people until you find an exclusive relationship? I've never done that until now. I usually go more in depth, one person at a time. More time consuming because then if the relationship doesn't pan out as expected, you just lost all that time. But, that's life.

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Is it ghey that I love this song so much?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl_Wc6Nm8lc

I guess you could say I'm not as jaded about "stuff" such as enduring love yet...

and I don't think that counts as a lot of time. Maybe it is enough time to decide that you don't have much of a spark with the person, or there is something that you find totally unacceptable in a potential mate, or maybe you'll find something so intriguing that you really want to learn more about them...so you go on another date. I don't think that there is a limit to the number of dates before you broach the subject of exclusivity, but my guess is that it isn't after the second date.

Ugh. It is too complicated for a straightfoward mind like mine; if Honey and I break up, I'll just become a crazy cat lady (:

But anyway - what happend to the OP?

e

I'm here, trying to figure out how to reply to her email.

If you like her and want to pursue something (at least another date), then you should really write back to her soon! I hate to be a nudge and give advice, but from a woman's perspective, you've blown her off...you haven't shown her that she's important to you. If you have decided that you don't want to go out with her again, then at least give her the courtesy of telling her that by wishing her well with the other guy...you never know when your paths will intersect again. None of this is that complicated, so don't overanlyze it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. There are plent of single people in Philadelphia, so don't get too hung up on this one, unless you are certain that she's the love of your life.

e