"So what do you do?" What is w/ this annoying question? - Page 7 - PhillyBlog

BeckyJ · #61 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugarcoma

I agree with both GMonkey and phillyaggie. I just had to point out the "other side" of the "what do you do" issue that people might not think about about when they innocently ask that question.

I don't think MOST people ask it with ulterior motives, but in doing so, it could create awkward situations for some of us, and I don't only mean people like me, who don't work.

Like GMonkey, I, too, had MANY jobs in the years that I did work and none but the last ever came close to giving a hint of my level of intelligence, and neither does where I went to college, or, for that matter, the fact that I never finished that last semester and got a degree.

But really, if someone is going to judge me on those things and not on who I am, then they aren't worth my time. I have friends and acquaintences that are everything from PhDs to bus 'boys' and it doesn't make one damn bit of difference what they do.

I thought you were a contortionist burlesque dancer? No?

You could always do nose-breaking on a consulting basis...I know you're pretty good at that!

I've worked as a secretary/admin assistant, built sets for tv shows & movies, managed mobile home parks, built airplanes, assembled circuit boards, and now I teach college. Which job defines me? I dunno. I guess I finally figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up (that growing up thing is a whole 'nother matter), but I still don't think that this job defines me. It is the most fun one I've had so far, which is saying something (something sick, but something!) I don't like it when people ask me what do I do because if I say teach college, they say "oh, you must be really smart" or some other indicator of that. My neighbor is an ironworker and he's a great guy, but now he's kinda intimidated by me. He's an ironworker. I say, if you can bang your head against a brick wall for about 4 hours, stop, and then say to yourself "hey, that wasn't so bad" then graduate school and an academic career is for you!

Annie Hall · #62 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 09:17 PM

if you feel good about who you are, then who gives a crap what someone else might think of you? especially a complete stranger?

i don't think the problem is someone asking what you do, i think the bigger issue is feeling good enough about yourself to answer the question (whatever that answer may be) and not be so affected by the reaction of whoever asked.

there are very few people in this world whose opinions i really care about. if someone wants to judge me or have a negative reaction to me, be it my job, education level or appearance, that's their problem, not mine. i define who i am. i can't control what others think and i try not to waste any time or energy on it.

HogIslandGrip · #63 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 09:50 PM

Myself, I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king...

phillyaggie · #64 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annie Hall

if you feel good about who you are, then who gives a crap what someone else might think of you? especially a complete stranger?

i don't think the problem is someone asking what you do, i think the bigger issue is feeling good enough about yourself to answer the question (whatever that answer may be) and not be so affected by the reaction of whoever asked.

there are very few people in this world whose opinions i really care about. if someone wants to judge me or have a negative reaction to me, be it my job, education level or appearance, that's their problem, not mine. i define who i am. i can't control what others think and i try not to waste any time or energy on it.

you're a writer, aren't you?!

very well put and I agree!

...not that you care either way what i think...

gravenewworld · #65 (**permalink**) 06-16-2008, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dean

Number 1, maybe, it depends on the situation. Numbers 2 and 3 are simply not true at all. I'm a truckdriver. What does that tell you? I was also a member of Delaware Valley Mensa. How much education do I have? Many of my truckdriver friends have degrees. Would you know in what?
If my job defines me to you, you're a little too narrow-minded for me to have much to do with you.
( I used to have a job in Atlantic City, baiting fish hooks. I got so good at it that everyone referred to me as a master baiter.)

Your job isn't the be all and say all of your intelligence, however, it can give a good insight for someone who doesn't know you as to how intelligent you may be. It is a good place to start.

Where did millions of last names like Miller, Cooper, or Smith come from? Obviously from occupations. People have always been defined by what they do for a living. You might not like that, but it will always be that way.

BeckyJ · #66 (**permalink**) 07-25-2008, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annie Hall

if you feel good about who you are, then who gives a crap what someone else might think of you? especially a complete stranger?

i don't think the problem is someone asking what you do, i think the bigger issue is feeling good enough about yourself to answer the question (whatever that answer may be) and not be so affected by the reaction of whoever asked.

there are very few people in this world whose opinions i really care about. if someone wants to judge me or have a negative reaction to me, be it my job, education level or appearance, that's their problem, not mine. i define who i am. i can't control what others think and i try not to waste any time or energy on it.

Good point. It just makes for uncomfortable pauses at times; but I've found an invitation to have a beer solves a lot of those issues!

sugarcoma · #67 (**permalink**) 07-25-2008, 01:05 PM

So, the other day, I went to see an apt. and we really wanted it. The subject of "what do you do" always comes up in those situations, and even if I was one to lie about it, it'd be pretty hard when they might check credit, references, etc.
So, I tell them I don't work, which, no matter to whom I tell this, gets long pause and a stare or a blatant "why not?" Because of that, and because I don't care what they think about why I don't work, and hate the awkwardness, I tell them some really abbreviated version of my issues, usually just that "I have back problems, among other things."

I said this to the owners, whose immediate reply was, "Oh, well, aren't the STAIRS a problem?"
(The unit was 4th floor walk up. For the record, it was a short stack of steep steps, not bad at all, and while I do have back problems, I am also obviously reasonably fit looking enough for one to assume I can climb stairs like that.) I told them "no, I don't have problems with stairs, or riding a bike, I'm on pain medication anyway, and STANDING still is much harder than moving."

Meanwhile, I was thinking, "Why the f*** do they care if my back hurts me walking up and down those stairs?"

As is turns out, they "mysteriously" decided to "keep" the unit for themselves, but I knew they still had another showing after me.

I'd be willing to bet they felt I'd be some kind of "liability."

GMonkey · #68 (**permalink**) 07-25-2008, 01:18 PM

I would think that health information is much more personal than employment information. You do a lot of writing and have other interests...perhaps in a position where you might have to actually give information, you could say that you write...or that you are a blogger, or that you're taking a sabbatical?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugarcoma

So, the other day, I went to see an apt. and we really wanted it. The subject of "what do you do" always comes up in those situations, and even if I was one to lie about it, it'd be pretty hard when they might check credit, references, etc.
So, I tell them I don't work, which, no matter to whom I tell this, gets long pause and a stare or a blatant "why not?" Because of that, and because I don't care what they think about why I don't work, and hate the awkwardness, I tell them some really abbreviated version of my issues, usually just that "I have back problems, among other things."

I said this to the owners, whose immediate reply was, "Oh, well, aren't the STAIRS a problem?"
(The unit was 4th floor walk up. For the record, it was a short stack of steep steps, not bad at all, and while I do have back problems, I am also obviously reasonably fit looking enough for one to assume I can climb stairs like that.) I told them "no, I don't have problems with stairs, or riding a bike, I'm on pain medication anyway, and STANDING still is much harder than moving."

Meanwhile, I was thinking, "Why the f*** do they care if my back hurts me walking up and down those stairs?"

As is turns out, they "mysteriously" decided to "keep" the unit for themselves, but I knew they still had another showing after me.

I'd be willing to bet they felt I'd be some kind of "liability."

sugarcoma · #69 (**permalink**) 07-25-2008, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GMonkey

I would think that health information is much more personal than employment information. You do a lot of writing and have other interests...perhaps in a position where you might have to actually give information, you could say that you write...or that you are a blogger, or that you're taking a sabbatical?

There are a ton of things I could say, but I have this...thing..where I just don't want to be bothered with lying about myself...ESPECIALLY not to make someone else less uncomfortable. They ask... I just feel like, "why should I make something up, things happen, and I can't work, so what?"

It IS a strange situation to be in...wouldn't have been 30 or so years ago, though.
It'd be easier if I LOOKED as "decrepit," as I often feel, not that I wish I did!

Whether or not I work shouldn't have any bearing on getting an apt. in my situation- not when I do still have an income and my husband, who does work, has an income that is more than adequate for the places we're seeing.

They also seemed a bit nervous, when I was leaving, that there was no bannister on the stairs and one said, appropos of nothing, "Oh, there'll be a bannister there...we, uh, had to take it down to move things up here..."
I guess they thought I needed it.

JillyS · #70 (**permalink**) 07-25-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugarcoma

I'd be willing to bet they felt I'd be some kind of "liability."

Or they were concerned you might struggle to make the rent...unfortunately I don't think people like hearing "I don't work" whether it's legitimate of not.

When given the option, I'm going to guess that landlords are going to go for the lowest risk scenario possible. My now husband and I were denied a rental once because we weren't married. The owner commented that given that we weren't married it was more likely that we would "break up" and one of us would try to skip out on the rent. Besides this woman being obviously cynical and judgmental, I guess no one told her that married people often break-up and/or skirt their responsibilities too.

You might as well have fun with this...the next time someone asks tell them you club baby seals or you're a bounty hunter or something...