"So what do you do?" What is w/ this annoying question? - Page 6 - PhillyBlog

rpost3 · #51 (**permalink**) 06-14-2008, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillysw

So true. When people find out what I do for a living, they say things like "oh, good for you, the world needs more people like you," or "you must be such a patient person." No, that's what I'm paid to do 8 hours a day. Actually I'm an impatient a** most of the time.

LOL my girlfriend gets this too. She's a social worker. People think she works w/ abused children all day for minimum wage. Meanwhile she makes $50,000+/yr from a cubicle working in managed care informing Motorola employees of their new mental health benefits program.

phillyaggie · #52 (**permalink**) 06-14-2008, 02:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueroses

That's my point exactly. I don't the question itself is the issue. I think it's only annoying if there's an "agenda" at work other than just getting to know someone.

And as a woman I think it is helpful to remind men out there that it's a little uncool to ask specifically WHERE a woman you've never met before works. I find men don't think twice about doing that. The occupation? Fine. The exact employer -- not cool because there are some stalkers and crazy people out there and with so much business info available on the web, revealing that info could be risky for a woman. I don't think guys get that simply because it doesn't occur to them.

as one of the guys, i guess i see your point now. hmm i'll try to be more careful next time i question a woman about her job and how much she makes and where she works, along with where she lives, where she shops, and whether she keeps a large pet dog.

blueroses · #53 (**permalink**) 06-14-2008, 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillyaggie

as one of the guys, i guess i see your point now. hmm i'll try to be more careful next time i question a woman about her job and how much she makes and where she works, along with where she lives, where she shops, and whether she keeps a large pet dog.

I know you're just kidding, but I'm serious. I'm not paranoid or anything, and I realize most men aren't meaning ill will if they ask these things, but I have friends who have had scary stalkers, and I've had a couple, and I've had several men I wasn't interested in track me down by phone or email at work (or at one time on my campus when I was still in school, as did some of my friends back then) and then get nasty if I wasn't interested in dating them. And so have my friends; it's not as uncommon as you might think. It's one key to not scaring off women you like, so just don't pry too much when you first meet them. I'm helping you here, you know? :-) And for women, don't do the same to men because it could work in the reverse or at least make them thinking you're asking too much. Just respect people's right to privacy until you know them better.

phillyaggie · #54 (**permalink**) 06-14-2008, 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueroses

I know you're just kidding, but I'm serious. I'm not paranoid or anything, and I realize most men aren't meaning ill will if they ask these things, but I have friends who have had scary stalkers, and I've had a couple, and I've had several men I wasn't interested in track me down by phone or email at work (or at one time on my campus when I was still in school, as did some of my friends back then) and then get nasty if I wasn't interested in dating them. And so have my friends; it's not as uncommon as you might think. It's one key to not scaring off women you like, so just don't pry too much when you first meet them. I'm helping you here, you know? :-) And for women, don't do the same to men because it could work in the reverse or at least make them thinking you're asking too much. Just respect people's right to privacy until you know them better.

you're right. sorry for making light of it earlier.

JillyS · #55 (**permalink**) 06-14-2008, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillysw

So true. When people find out what I do for a living, they say things like "oh, good for you, the world needs more people like you," or "you must be such a patient person." No, that's what I'm paid to do 8 hours a day. Actually I'm an impatient a** most of the time.

Do you remember that short-lived show about the guy who got convicted of a crime and had to be a "social worker" for community service? The concept made me totally nuts. I'm so glad the show died after a few episodes.

sugarcoma · #56 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 01:39 PM

NOBODY hates that question more than I do!!!
I've written blogs about it...
It really sucks that our society defines people, and we, (well, other people, I never did,) define ourselves by "what we 'do'."

I don't "do" anything anymore; I can't. In fact, I was just given a "get out of jury duty free" card for the same reasons that keep me from working- all they had to do is see my medical records, and I'll tell you, it's REALLY uncomfortable for me when asked, "what do you do?"
I don't know what's worse, my telling people the truth, or their stupid awkward reaction when they hear it!

I mean, they ASKED, I don't tell them because I want their pity or something, that's the last thing I want. And I'm certainly not going to lie to make them feel more comfortable- they deserve to feel that way for asking, don't you think!?

Here's why I don't work: http://bethbrennan.blogspot.com/2006...t-get-job.html

sugarcoma · #57 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gone down south

Petra - "since when is your job who you are?" Since it consumes 1/3 - 1/2 of most peoples waking life, I'd say it's a major component of who you are.

To all of you who share this view and think you're just "interested," (and maybe that really is your motivation,) in the person, did it ever occur to you that a giant portion of the population just work crap jobs that they hate to survive, not jobs that they feel "define" them at all?

Further, how would you respond if you asked me what I do and I told you I'm on disability and can't work? Think you'd feel a bit uncomfortable? What do you say next? "Oh, really? What's wrong with you, because I can't see anything obvious?"
That's what you'd be thinking, and being asked that question makes ME feel like I'm somehow supposed to explain to you why I can't work, like it's your business.

There are variations that asking that question might bring forth that you haven't thought of....

The response I really love is, "oh...so, what DID you do?"

So, take away your jobs, and you no longer have identities? I hope none of you ever have to find out what that's like.
Luckily, I had one independent of what I "did."

GMonkey · #58 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 02:17 PM

First of all, it's usually not the first question that pops out of my mouth when I talk to people. I'm rather intuitive, and I can usually tell if someone doesn't want to discuss a certain topic. Since I've had so many jobs, I don't define people by their employment, just like I don't want to be defined by my employment. I'm a 34 year old community college student, so I don't really have the right to judge others career-wise.

Sugarcoma, I think that if I didn't know anything about you, and we were on the discussion of careers and you mentioned that you weren't presently working, I'd probably just ask you about what you enjoy doing instead and move on from there. I suppose that your career isn't really my business, even if I find it interesting...but your health status is absolutely not my business and I certainly wouldn't press an issue if you didn't want to discuss it. Also, since I've had so many jobs, I love to talk to other "lost souls" like myself who have had a lot of jobs and have had a hard time settling.

I've had many people judge me by my careers. I don't let it bother me anymore. I just know that someone who would look down on me isn't worth my time. Since I'm working as an assistant at a salon while I go to school, I've had so many people act very puzzled and ask me what I'm doing as a 34 year old shampoo girl. I've had a lot of other people tell me that I seem really smart for a hair stylist. I usually respond that I'd rather be one of the smartest hair stylists than one of the dumbest doctors. BTW--I've met a lot of dumb doctors.

I suppose that people do ask about careers with less than honorable intentions. It's too bad.

phillyaggie · #59 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 03:15 PM

I'm with you on this, GMonkey.

I think a question isn't damned for it being asked. The way you react to it is totally up to you. Sure, sometimes some things just get annoying. My career is often times looked down upon in many circles and things get assumed about who I am based on the job I do. But that says more about the people doing the assuming, right?

When I first got to know a bit about sugarcoma, I was just curious about things. I certainly got to know about some things that I didn't ever know. It's all good.

I'd rather not have a jaded or cynical view to life, though I know that sometimes you can't help but feel jaded or cynical.

sugarcoma · #60 (**permalink**) 06-15-2008, 03:41 PM

I agree with both GMonkey and phillyaggie. I just had to point out the "other side" of the "what do you do" issue that people might not think about about when they innocently ask that question.

I don't think MOST people ask it with ulterior motives, but in doing so, it could create awkward situations for some of us, and I don't only mean people like me, who don't work.

Like GMonkey, I, too, had MANY jobs in the years that I did work and none but the last ever came close to giving a hint of my level of intelligence, and neither does where I went to college, or, for that matter, the fact that I never finished that last semester and got a degree.

But really, if someone is going to judge me on those things and not on who I am, then they aren't worth my time. I have friends and acquaintences that are everything from PhDs to bus 'boys' and it doesn't make one damn bit of difference what they do.