"So what do you do?" What is w/ this annoying question? - Page 4 - PhillyBlog

rpost3 · #31 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JillyS

On the flip side, have any of you met people who are obviously dying to tell you how much money they make? Talk about a conversation ender--ick.

LOL oh definitely. A huge percentage of the people who ask you what you do for a living are just hoping you ask them the same question.

phillyaggie · #32 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JillyS

Me too. I think it's a good way to find common ground or learn something new. I know I personally find it affirming when someone shows a genuine interest in what I do, so I figure others feel the same way when the same interest is shown to them. I have no ulterior motive and couldn't care less what other people make. They aren't the ones paying my bills.

nicely put. i hope most of the philly gals in the dating pool aren't shallow. because what i do isn't glamorous and doesn't make all that much money, but it's a cool job which i love, and love to talk about, too.

phillyaggie · #33 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpost3

I don't even know really. I'm pretty outgoing and don't have it planned out. I guess I just kind of wing it in the context of the situation. If I'm at a bar watching football, we'll probably talk about that. Say the Steelers jump offside, and everyone lets out a groan. Me and the people around me sigh and look at eachother like "What the **** was that?" and we end up talking about it. Then maybe the conversation takes a tangent during a commercial break and we talk about whatever else. "God I miss Pittsburgh." "Yeah, I know...." blah blah blah. Who knows how I start conversations w/ people w/out asking them what they do for a living. I've never really thought about how I do it to be honest. I just kinda do I guess.

I didn't realize so many people have a script they follow in order to have a new conversation. I guess I'm just very comfortable socially. If I'm at a party or something and get introduced to someone, it's "Oh, how do you know John," or whatever it is. If they're from out of town, I ask how they like Philly, what they've seen so far, where they're from, and try to point them in the right direction on what to see and where to go.

See, it's a wierd question you just asked me. I don't really have a set of questions I ask someone when I meet them. I guess I just kind of talk to them. Maybe that's why I just got offered a bartending position - I'm comfortable just shooting the shite w/out being intrusive.

i kinda hate those shallow sports bar conversations. at the end of the night, i really don't know much about the other person. first off, i guess i'm starting to get hard at hearing and so if a game is on reall loud, its hard to keep a conversation going without going "huh? can you repeat that please?" which gets embarrassing real fast. plus, if i'm in a sports bar, it's probably because i really want to catch a game, so i'd most likely be more into watching it than trying to be social. perhaps that's why i've never met a girl at a bar. that's just not me, i guess.

don't get me wrong, i don't carry around a set of questions to ask anyone new i meet. it's not an interview out there! i go where the conversation flows, and am happy with it. i love to mingle at a party rather than be in my own clicque...if i have one. i guess it really all just depends on the social situation. which means, i also don't shy away from asking that question, nor do i feel awkward talking about what i do!

phillyaggie · #34 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petra

Game. Set. Match.

That was classic. Thank you.

I disagree with the job question, however.

One thing I've noticed is that this isn't a question you get in Europe, there it is considered a fairly rude line of inquiry (in my experience).

ETA: In Indian society I find this to be the first question out after "what is your name."
What is your name.
What do you do.
How much to you make (no beating around the bush here).
Are you married. (Only if question 2,3 are satisfactory).

I'm an Indian, and I know how that goes. I don't like it either, nor does my sister. The guys she meets all seem to be interviewing her for the wife job, is how she puts it. It's more about the situation, of course; these guys she meets are from an indian matrimonial web site. And you're damn right about it to be even more of a case if you go back to India to find a "suitable" match. The prospective inlaws definitely want to know your socioeconomic status. It perhaps comes from the fact that Indian society has seen poverty for a very long time, divorce is not common, and many indians aren't into dating either, so when you're out there "shopping" for a match, you want to at least be sure about the basics. In such a social milieu, if you had a son or a daughter of you own who you were wanting to see married, you too would not beat around the bush. So when these guys come to the U.S. for their Masters degrees and then mingle in the U.S. crowds, some of them still think of it in terms of the Indian situation. Such questions most often come from the "fresh off the boat" types; the ones who're born and brought up here don't even often mingle with the "fotb" types, and vice-versa. And someone like me, I'm in the middle of the two main groups; I didn't come to this country just for a masters degree, but i have lived here for a very long time and am perhaps more comfortable in american social situations than indian... i guess that's why i rather like dating non-indian gals.

I see many non-Indians dating Indians nowadays...I wonder if they're just in it for the money! Now if I pose such a question, I bet it would be offensive to the reader. Unfortunately, even though the U.S. has people coming from all over the world, there isn't much social understanding of the "other", only assumptions.

rpost3 · #35 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillyaggie

i kinda hate those shallow sports bar conversations. at the end of the night, i really don't know much about the other person.

See, I love shallow conversations. It allows you to get to know the person's personality a lot more than you guys think. Are they funny? Pretentious? Boring? Reserved? Outgoing? Nice? It's easy to tell right off the bat. I don't need to know anything other than that, mostly b/c I don't care about their life story yet. If I decide they're cool, then maybe I'll care enough to find out. But I'm not looking to get anything out of random conversations w/ people I just met.

re: throwback jersies - sorry I forgot to reiterate what they are. they're jersies of retired football and basketball players, mostly pro. very popular in the black communities up here. They're viewed as gangster apparell by non-black people when they're worn too big.

Petra · #36 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillyaggie

I see many non-Indians dating Indians nowadays...I wonder if they're just in it for the money! Now if I pose such a question, I bet it would be offensive to the reader. Unfortunately, even though the U.S. has people coming from all over the world, there isn't much social understanding of the "other", only assumptions.

I donno dude. I'm a gori, married to a desi and my in-laws are pretty intense. If I were in it just for the money I think I would have bolted before now.

"What you only have one bedroom? Oh that's ok we'll just bring immediate family, to say the week and by immediate we mean: SIL, MIL, FIL, Kaka, Kaki....etc."

phillyaggie · #37 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpost3

See, I love shallow conversations. It allows you to get to know the person's personality a lot more than you guys think. Are they funny? Pretentious? Boring? Reserved? Outgoing? Nice? It's easy to tell right off the bat. I don't need to know anything other than that, mostly b/c I don't care about their life story yet. If I decide they're cool, then maybe I'll care enough to find out. But I'm not looking to get anything out of random conversations w/ people I just met.

re: throwback jersies - sorry I forgot to reiterate what they. they're jersies of retired football and basketball players, mostly pro. very popular in the black communities up here. They're viewed as gangster apparell by non-black people when they're worn too big.

thanks for the info on throwback jerseys.

as for bar conversations...i guess i'm one of those that'll go with it, but i'm not the best at idle conversation right away, unless i'm in the mood for it. plus the issue about loud places as i mentioned earlier. so sometimes, i come off as either reserved or aloof. so, i get mis-judged.

phillyaggie · #38 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petra

I donno dude. I'm a gori, married to a desi and my in-laws are pretty intense. If I were in it just for the money I think I would have bolted before now.

"What you only have one bedroom? Oh that's ok we'll just bring immediate family, to say the week and by immediate we mean: SIL, MIL, FIL, Kaka, Kaki....etc."

well, you're married to the dude, so you obviously didn't run away when you first encountered the indian intensity! hehe good for you, and good for him. as for the in-laws, don't let them bother you!

"immediate family"....hahahah sounds like you've got a charming "little" indian family you got married to!

you do get married to the whole family, practically speaking. lol any gori who will marry me will likely be thankful that it's just my sister and my parents, that's all. and my sister will likely be far off on the west coast....

Lolly · #39 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpost3

jersies of retired football and basketball players, mostly pro. very popular in the black communities up here. They're viewed as gangster apparell by non-black people when they're worn too big.

So let me see if I have this straight... too-big NON-retired football/basketball players' jerseys aren't gangsta?

rpost3 · #40 (**permalink**) 06-13-2008, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lolly

So let me see if I have this straight... too-big NON-retired football/basketball players' jerseys aren't gangsta?

LOL I don't know. To me they're just my buddies.