I see your point here and have had a fair number of people respond "Oh, that's nice." when I respond to that question. But I would most likely ask your neurosurgeon friend where he or she works, how he or she likes his or her job and might be able to make some connection to the fact that I've worked with neurosurgeons in a hospital setting before. Maybe I'm just nosy, but I'll ask questions until it's clear to me the other person is bored or uncomfortable with the conversation. However, I find many people really like to talk about their work, especially if it's meaningful to them.

But yes, in certain contexts I can see how the question may be loaded.

__________________
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."

--Bette Reese

I totally agree that it's all in the timing of the question. I think to eventually ask, "So, what do you do for a living?" is a fine question after getting to know someone for a while, but when someone comes out & asks bluntly "What do you do?" immediately upon introduction I find it very off-putting to say the least.

Having said that, I too didn't really know any better when I was younger/foolisher & just assumed asking this question when first meeting someone was perfectly fine, basically because everyone else seemed to do it. At least it seemed to be the norm where I grew up (in NJ).

But now I realize (yes, especially since spending some time abroad / getting to know people from other parts of the world) that it is not the norm & very often just makes people uncomfortable (myself included). Especially when asked that way -- "What do you do?" (vs. "What do you do for a living?" for example). Stated that way, it almost always comes across as if people think you = your job. (And I often get the feeling that the people who really don't mind being asked this question up-front are those that, sadly, are their job.)

These days, in answer to that question "What do you do?" I'm tempted to say... "Well, I breathe, sleep, walk, eat, read, work, sneeze..." But now I think I'm going to start introducing myself as an unemployed drunken neurosurgeon.

wow! i didn't see this coming from you, AH. that's pretty cool! hehe until now, i pictured you as miss goody two shoes.

__________________


Is it ghey that I love this song so much?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl_Wc6Nm8lc

I guess you could say I'm not as jaded about "stuff" such as enduring love yet...

On the flip side, have any of you met people who are obviously dying to tell you how much money they make? Talk about a conversation ender--ick.

__________________
"If you think you're too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."

--Bette Reese

__________________
"I'll vote for him if he's the nominee, but I'll continue to think he's a complete phoney." BrooklynCat 3/23
http://www.phillyblog.com/philly/pol...r-race-11.html

That is so lame, right out of the "obnoxious Obama supporter" playbook 3/17
http://www.phillyblog.com/philly/pol...r-race-37.html
RE-ELECT DAVID OH COUNCIL AT LARGE 2011

I have a number of friends who are schoolteachers who are tired of this question because it inevitably leads to questions about how they live on that salary,. how they can stand these kids today, etc. and comments like "Whoa, I'd better watch my grammar!" or "You must be a saint." Apparently people with kids then want to pick their brains about all sorts of school issues, etc., and they grow weary of the "shop talk" aspect of it all.

Librarians also grow weary of the stereotypes, as do social workers and therapists.

I also have a few friends in NYC who work for performing arts agencies who hate the question because it often leads to people trying to angle them for acting opportunities they aren't even in a position to give them.

And I know stockbrokers must hate it because it leads to requests for "tips."

My friends who are doctors and vets always fear that it will lead to an attempt to get free medical advice. Same goes for lawyers and free legal advice.

I think most people ask this question in an attempt to get to know the other person better. What makes it annoying is what FOLLOWS the question, I think.

look, nobody likes gold diggers. And people do make assumptions about others all the time, based on their looks, on what they're wearing, etc. We're all trying to measure up the other person, whether we like it or not. So if things are put out there straightforward, what's the matter with that? If your black guys in "throwback jerseys" (what are those, btw? i'm a pretty lame guy when it comes to fashion words, i suppose) get asked that question, perhaps the date asking that question doesn't want to be with a gold digger either. And yesterday, I heard an interesting interview on local public radio with Willie Brown, the former mayor of SF and the long running leader in Cali legislature...he is big on wearing proper attire, and he said many things about that. I personally sometimes get annoyed by people making assumptions based on what i'm wearing, or how i'm looking (sometimes i just hate to shave in the morning, ok, so i look pretty bad...doesn't mean you have to assume that i crawled out of a dumpster!), but that's just the way life goes sometimes.

I often ask people in various social situations I meet, that question about what they do, not just when i'm on a date. "What you do" can lead to other conversation topics but its an interesting lead-in, I think. One white girl I met at my cousin's wedding two weeks ago in NH was really good at Indian dancing, so during a break from the dancing I just started a conversation with her and asked her where she was from (NYC, btw), and then she said she was a school teacher... so I kinda made a lame joke about it and said "you teach dancing, by any chance, because you're really good at it!?!" and we had a good laugh. And we got to talking some more...until her investment banker boyfriend sideled back into the conversation! those damn Manhattan investment bankers! She was pretty good looking Polish gal, MIT grad, who's been to one other indian wedding but had never experienced the full ceremony, and who was really into hiking so i gave her some good tips about some nice spots nearby in the White Mountains. i thought it was a pleasant conversation.

__________________


Is it ghey that I love this song so much?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl_Wc6Nm8lc

I guess you could say I'm not as jaded about "stuff" such as enduring love yet...

well, the thing is, if questions about "what you do?" lead to follow on questions, fishing for stock ideas, "shop talk" about education, etc, then you also get an idea about how the other person thinks. They go on a fishing trip about your job, you don't come empty handed out of it either. if it's a date, then you know there won't be a second one if you didn't like that line of conversation....simple as that.

but if "what you do?" leads to conversation going in other interesting directions, that also says something. So don't damn the question and the questioner.

__________________


Is it ghey that I love this song so much?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl_Wc6Nm8lc

I guess you could say I'm not as jaded about "stuff" such as enduring love yet...

I don't even know really. I'm pretty outgoing and don't have it planned out. I guess I just kind of wing it in the context of the situation. If I'm at a bar watching football, we'll probably talk about that. Say the Steelers jump offside, and everyone lets out a groan. Me and the people around me sigh and look at eachother like "What the **** was that?" and we end up talking about it. Then maybe the conversation takes a tangent during a commercial break and we talk about whatever else. "God I miss Pittsburgh." "Yeah, I know...." blah blah blah. Who knows how I start conversations w/ people w/out asking them what they do for a living. I've never really thought about how I do it to be honest. I just kinda do I guess. EDIT - I guess a good example was at Fox and Hound on 15th a couple years ago. Steelers were in the middle of blowing a big lead against Atlanta, and at one point, I turned to these girls sitting next to us and said if we lose this game, I'm seriously going to need some hugs. They laughed, we lost, and I got some sarcastic hugs... and one that wasn't so sarcastic since I ended up dating her for 6 months until she moved back to Pittsburgh.

So I dunno how I start conversations. I just do. I didn't realize so many people have a script they follow. I guess I'm just very comfortable socially. If I'm at a party or something and get introduced to someone, it's "Oh, how do you know John," or whatever it is. If they're from out of town, I ask how they like Philly, what they've seen so far, where they're from, and try to point them in the right direction on what to see and where to go.

See it's kinda a wierd question you just asked me, how I start conversations. I guess I just kind of talk to them. Maybe that's why I just got offered a a good bartending position at a popular independent bar- I'm comfortable just shooting the shite w/out being intrusive.

LOL well played.