Another conversation I had with two other friends last Friday was regarding cheating. They both think marriage is a waste of time because 99% of people in this country cheat on their spouses. I think 99% is way too high. Maybe 60%, but either way, I think it's way too high. Are we a nation without morals? Is finding an honest partner impossible? Am I the only person left in the US that has never cheated on a significant other? What's worse, cheating or murder?

__________________
Jason
Lynn Swann 06'

"Individualism is absent when other peoples' standards, not reality and reason, are ones primary guide."

Murder or cheating? what how can you compare the two?
I dont think all people cheat, just a lot of them. It's the way of the world selfish people.

Murder is worse. Although when it happens to you, you temporarily wish they would have just murdered you.

Do all people cheat? No. I know plenty of people in relationships who don't. I think women are just as likely as men to cheat nowadays. I don't know if it's a moral thing--frankly I think it's lack of respect for someone as a person...

Bottom line is trusting your gut--do you think you can trust a particular person? If there's any doubt in your mind, you're probably right that you can't. Then again, the world is becoming more gray as I get older and I realize that sometimes people just fall out of love...This said, I have no respect for people that cheat and don't immediately fess up and carry on an affair. I saw the thread on religion being attached to a sense of doing right--it's funny because as an athiest, I have to tell you that I couldn't sleep at night knowing that I was hiding something like that from another person...And I also don't understand the desire to carry on multiple relationships with people--one is a big enough pain in the arse.

But I digress.

__________________
Resident of Fishtown, Moderator of Fish/No. Libs/Kenzo forum, Real Estate Agent-Prudential Fox & Roach

Hey,

No, you're not the only one who's never cheated on a significant other. You can count me in that group. I'm sure there are plenty of people who never have either.

I definitely think murder is worse, but as someone said, when you discover you've been cheated on, you wish they would just shoot you.

I also don't think it's a lack of morals, but lack of integrity for not adhering to a committment and a lack of respect for the other person.

One guy told me that he and his partner are 100% monogamous... They ONLY played with other people - together.

Well... I guess if you've got the agreement...

P

Well this is a great discussion - not what I expected when I clicked in. Your friends sound frustrated. I've never cheated on a boyfriend. Marraige is not a waste of time - its an investment like everything else, and you have to make it wisely. It's also a risk, but it's a good risk to take - when you're readyto take it.

I dont' think we're a nation without morals, but I do think that we are a nation that loses sight at times of right and wrong because we are in such a media-driven, visually oriented culture.

I think that it happens a lot, and surveys have shown that, but I also think that so many films, tv shows, etc., depict it so frequently - and so freely - that it seems to surround us, so we might perceive in some ways that it's more a regular occurance than it is. I think that drives people to accept that as normal - and then either do it or accept it being done to them.

I don't think it's impossible to find an honest partner at all. The key is being choosy and knowing yourself very very well first - and identify what, to you, is most important in a partner -looks, intellect, ambition, personality,e tc..

I won't even go into your final question ... that's a little out there for me.

__________________
* Name: Jennifer Kronstain
* Status on PhillyBlog.com: Co-Founder
* Job: Principal / Founder, KMG Worldwide Public Relations (http://www.kronstainmediagroup.com)
* Connect with Jennifer / KMG. Here's how: http://www.jenniferkronstain.com/contact.htm

i think men still cheat more but women are catching up. i saw the stats somewhere based on length of marriage. it was pretty depressing but there were still a sizable chunk of people who could remain unscathed. with that said, i think it's terrible to cheat on someone but even worse if yer married, or have a similar level of commitment. i'd imagine it would be much worse coming from someone you spent 15 years with than six months. blob never cheats b/c he's never committed. :wink:
i also read somewheres that many men in their late twenties don't think themselves afraid of commitment but afraid of divorce. divocrce concersn ranged from stranded kids to financial "annihilation". though that was interesting. not to mention broken hearts from that b*tch that slept with...oh sorry. :shock:

Sure, it's a culture of divorce but honestly, I like Jennifer's take on this. Marriage should be a commitment of love and devotion--rather than something someone does not to be "alone" or because all their friends are doing it, or just to have kids. Marriages are rushed into too quickly--people are too young or don't know themselves yet--and I think that leads to a lot of divorces. People are getting married older and older and I think for good reason--I know sure as he-double-hockey-sticks that I have changed immensely from the time I was in my early 20's to late 20's. Had I married any of the supposed prince charmings I was dating I would be sorely disappointed at this stage of the game. I think sometimes people changing and finding other people that are more like them and what they want out of life than their spouses is a fairly popular recent for cheating in a marriage. (I find this reason a lot more respectable than say, not wanting to pass up an opportunity to bang a hot chick who gave you the time of day...or "being really drunk" and simply finding the hottie bartender irresistable).

Fear of divorce? Appreciate the days you have with someone. You never know when they might be taken away from you for whatever reason. An investment in someone is indeed a risk--a risk worth dating when someone is mature enough to dive in--and I think perhaps that isn't too prevalent in single guys in their late 20's, who have both been single enough to watch their lives change and look at their friends' early marriages failing and reasonably have some reservations.

El--I agree that cheating is not as "bad" while done outside the sanctity of marriage, however I think it's a pretty good indicator if someone cheats on serious girlfriends/boyfriends outside of marriage that they will cheat in it. Furthermore, I think cheating while outside of marriage is still great grounds for castration. Not only does it break hearts, let's not forget about spreading those crazy ol' stds.

__________________
Resident of Fishtown, Moderator of Fish/No. Libs/Kenzo forum, Real Estate Agent-Prudential Fox & Roach

One of the books I'm reading right now looks at this topic in one of it's chapters. Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America by Dan Savage.

One of the points made is that humans are no different than any other species on the planet, in that they take on many partners during their life. It is unrealistic to expect people to constantly be successful in denying a person's natural tendencies.

It's a very interesting read and gives you quite a bit to think about on the subject.

Personally, I've never cheated on a girlfriend, despite having a couple opportunities, so you're not alone.

Dan Savage is always an interesting read...however, if that's what he's really espousing, I have to disagree.

His point is why I think people should "sow their wild oats" before getting in a long-term commitment. If you're going to succumb to attraction in a relationship (and it IS a choice), why do it? Why waste the time, energy, and chance breaking someone's heart?

As women, trust me, we have plenty of opportunities, and as a member of the Sex and the City generation of women, plenty of drive. What separates us from the animals is a respect for other people, stepping back and calculating the potential effect of our actions. Should I forgive someone who doesn't take me into account while "giving in"? Absolutely not. For the record, I've been on both sides of the fence, and the truth is that if you're willing to cheat on someone, you should probably realize they deserve better than you and you really don't care about them as much as you say you do.

__________________
Resident of Fishtown, Moderator of Fish/No. Libs/Kenzo forum, Real Estate Agent-Prudential Fox & Roach

For me, it's nto a forgivable action. There's no second chance. If you don't respect and care enough about me to not resist urges, then you don't deserve this hot catch. :wink:

__________________
Jason
Lynn Swann 06'

"Individualism is absent when other peoples' standards, not reality and reason, are ones primary guide."