Originally Posted by ivy

cyaninthehood, I'm a 56-year-old woman struggling to pull myself out of financial ruin that resulted from a lot of bad medicine, which in turn resulted in a disability of almost six years, during which I never collected a dime of disability benefits and had trouble working. I also graduated with honors from a university with a very demanding curriculum. Poor doesn't necessarily equal stupid. Far as dating goes, that's one of the obstacles I'm up against. Men don't even want to casually date a woman in my circumstances. My character or the kind of person I am doesn't matter. They don't think there could be anything about me that makes me redeemable, that compensates for what has happened to me. Maybe you didn't mean what you said to be as harsh as it sounded (or read), but a lot of hard-working, even brainy Americans are being plunged into poverty despite their hard work and brains. And it could happen to anyone.

GMonkey: thank you so much for sharing that story. Hearing that a 58-year-old woman finally found a good man gives me a glimmer of hope. And I haven't got much. I'm single. I can count on one hand the number of dates I've had in the past six years. I'm now recovered physically and I really want to start a relationship. But I've tried to assess realistically my odds. I've asked myself who would have me. The answers aren't encouraging. A very special man who is educated and successful professionally who would be willing to overlook my life's circumstances and accept me for the person I am would have me, but men like that are rare and most of them are already attached. Other kinds of guys (I won't call them men) who would have me, I don't want--the kind who seek out women who have been lonely and suffering for a long while because they're vulnerable and ripe for being exploited and abused.

I go to events that are free, and I just check out who is there. I've had a flirtation going with a nice man for awhile and I've asked him out twice. He said yes both times, but with the caveat that he was "very busy." He does have a high-pressure, administrative, killer job, so I know that's true, but I think he was gently letting me down because he's never returned my asks. He's got barriers up. So I keep going to events I can afford to attend, to meet people and to meet men. But so far I've had no luck.

I fail to thrive this way. I'm not happy without a man in my life, but I'm better off alone than I would be in a toxic relationship. I deal with the loneliness the best I can, and I try not to completely lose hope.

Originally Posted by alesis

You might want to notate your positives rather than negatives if you're lookin' to bag a boy.

Originally Posted by ivy

Posting in this forum is very educational.

Originally Posted by ivy

When did I say I didn't think you were being serious? I meant exactly what I said, that posting here and reading posts here is educational. It is.

And the tone of your reply is paternalistic, as if I have to be led by the hand as if I were a child, and taught how to be positive. I do very well at being positive, and being a positive presence to those around me, considering what's going on in my life. People welcome my presence. They wouldn't if I were a negative person. I'm stable and intelligent enough to know how to make the most of the positive around me.