Ok - so here I am 32 - recently married with no kids. Our friends with kids have exiled us, the single people too - now we are married - no longer are we called for the drunken night running through the city like crazy people eating grilled cheese and french fries at 4 am - why ? because we are married - exiled from fun by our peers.

We still drink like frat boys, party like rock stars and want to live it up - where are fun good places to go when you are a little more " grown up " ?

Is this a universal married problem or just a Jill issue -

Any advice ???

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Jillian Henenberg - Ehrlich
Human Capital Management
jill@ehcmi.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Phillyjobs/

Online networking group for job seekers and recruiters in the Philadelphia area.

I feel your pain. Just about all my friends are married, and the first wave of kids is hitting now, so I rarely see them. But I find it odd that your single friends give you the cold shoulder. Usually, it's the other way around: once one of my friends gets married, he gradually fades from the social scene, spending more and more time with the spouse.

What I've done is plan regular nights out with my friends on a consistent schedule. We've got a guys' night out the first Wednesday of the month, and a Friday night poker/pool game every three months. All the wives know about these plans well in advance, so by now they're used to being hubbyless for that night. Maybe something like that will allow your friends to "fit you in."

Let me ask this: do you and your husband generally have the same circle of friends, or do you each have your own crowd? If you're all in the same crowd, I don't see why the single ones would shun you. But if you run in different circles, maybe they'd feel weird about either just inviting one of you out, or inviting both and expecting the other person to tag along with a bunch of people he/she doesn't know.

As for places "grown ups" can go, most of the swanky martini bars downtown are fine for us thirtysomethings. I went to McFadden's once and felt like Methuselah. The bouncer was about 10 years younger than me and the crowd nearly 15 younger. Other than culture shock like that, I've gotten over feeling self-conscious about the age difference. If it's a cool crowd, you'll feel welcome regardless of age.

My husband and I (both past 30) have been married over 5 years and have no kids, so we are really shunned. Usually it's just the two of us when we go out, which can get real old (his single best friend lives in Old City now, so we drag him out sometimes just to mix it up). We go to Johnny Brenda's a lot since it's in our neighborhood, and we love the Standard Tap. Monk's is a good spot too-- we hadn't been there in a while, and just went recently and had a good time, so we'll probably be back there soon. We aren't real wild and crazy anymore, but we do like to go out and drink some good beer and have some laughs. Getting married doesn't mean you dry up and become dull, right?

Being single myself, I really can't understand why single people would shun married people other than perhaps they just assume that since you're married you're not up for a night out. Maybe your friends are all female and like to keep it a girls' night out (same with how guys liek to keep it all guys). That happens when going out means going to bars and drinking. Single people, for better or worse, see these as opportunities to "hook up" and bringing along a married couple would interfere with that. As for suggestions on what more adult things you can do with your friends, I suggest going out to the restaurants. There would be less of a "meet market" undertone to nights out at a restaurant and thus whether you're signle or not won't matter to your friends.

I agree---unless it's that I want a girl's night out and always seem to get the hubby too so I'm feelin' like a 3rd wheel, it makes no difference if my friends are married or not. In fact, the better and longer they can hang, the better.

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Resident of Fishtown, Moderator of Fish/No. Libs/Kenzo forum, Real Estate Agent-Prudential Fox & Roach

http://childfree.meetup.com/members/
http://newintown.meetup.com/members/

My fiance and I are in a strange situation ourselves. She's 34, I'm 28. No kids, and not having any. Though we don't drink like frat boys (anymore), the situation is compounded by the fact that we're transplants to the city...she's from Baltimore, I'm from St. Louis. That, and for the longest time, we had no $$$. Oh, and we live in the Far Northeast. It's nice and all, but for "yuppie wannabes" like ourselves, it doesn't work.

Now, we have a little scratch (though we can't move for another year), and we're trying to feel our way around town. I tried hanging with some CF folk whilst living in Washington, DC...let's just say that it wasn't for me, though Lady Syc posts to a few of the CF boards out there.

So anyway...my point...when your trail comes to a dead end, blaze your own.

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"If these walls could talk, I'd listen to the floor."--Rev. Horton Heat

What's CF?

Sorry...childfree.

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"If these walls could talk, I'd listen to the floor."--Rev. Horton Heat

I've only ever seen this as a problem for people in the burbs. One reason I like living in the city is that everyone I meet d/n have kids.

I will say to be wary of those fun couples w/o kids who desperately want kids, as they are generally neurotic and tiresome and looking to jump ship as soon as they can reproduce. They are only slightly less sad than the unfun childless couples that you never see because their voids can only be filled by a child so they never go out.

Regarding those afflicted with child the irresponsible father type is usually fun to hang out with as he generally has very little off time to live very fast. Never hang out with him and his wife though as the wife of a irresponsible husband/father is pretty bitter and not much fun in the long run.

In my opinion dogs are more than sufficient as surrogate kids and childless couples with dogs standing in as surrogate kids are prefered if you have to hang out with couples, which I don't really prefer at all. Generally I just like hanging out with the guys or having a someone along as a thirdwheel.

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Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. - H.L. Mencken