Wil – but what if you want a lifestyle that may be out of her range? For example, we live in Old City, but if I made as much as he did, and everything was 50/50, we couldn’t live here. So it isn’t 50/50 in terms of absolute dollars, but 50/50 in terms of responsibility. Like I pay the rent, but he pays the bills.

Steve – you just described me and our relationship. I feel this need to be strong and aggressive outside of the relationship, but when we are together I can be the softest person in the world. He just brings that out in me. We don’t need each other, in the fatalistic way, but in our hearts we do need each other because we are that much in love.

Brooke – I absolutely agree. He is the best.

Brooke – I don’t think should be the only reason to marry someone, but I think it is a reason and a valid one, depending on how we mean “take care of.” Honestly, when I get home from work, and my husband gets home first, I want dinner to be made or ordered or whatever. When I’m sick, I want someone to baby me. My boyfriend can be kinda messy sometimes, and I don’t mind picking up after him because h does the same for me – I’ll go out all day and come home and the apartment will be spotless, top to bottom. Again, I think it’s all about reciprocity. Things that would be annoying and irksome to do if you’re the only one doing them aren’t really that big of a deal when both people do it.

Reciprocity--exactly, Indigo.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm more a romantic and I'd like to think that while some guys get married for convenience, because they think they're supposed to, because they want to have kids and think it's the right thing to do, etc., that I hope the guy I (if I do get married) marry will be doing it to express his undying love and commitment to me.

But I guess we've gotten a little off-topic. Anyway, basically it's shocked me that these men I've come across, while so forward-thinking and non-traditional in so many ways still feel like less of a man if their women bring home more money and/or have more degrees and/or intelligent than they do. Really shocking. I'm glad you all don't feel the same.

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I'm no SITC fan but Aiden was a greasy hillbilly with haliotosis and lint in his belly button even if he made cool furniture. I don't think much of Carrie though either. Mr Big could have done much better. I think he should have held out for a nice down to earth Cali girl instead.

Back to topic. Anyone under 40 who has hangups about the wife making more or being just an all around better person is a small minded twit and should be dumped immediatly. A person like that can only keep a person back and down.

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I don't think that a woman has ever intimidated me because she is smarter or has a higher education or even makes more money. I have however not really tried to date a lot of these women and it’s mostly because they were in a different league from me.

It’s most likely very unfair for me to think this, but I tend to view women like this to be a lot more work then I am willing to do. Higher maintenance and what not.

I do think that if she makes more money it can make things more difficult, just because its harder to pull the same weight, and unless you are a freeloader, you can't always go to the same places and enjoy on the same level if you have to worry about how much you are spending.

With the girl on TV that had to lie about what she does to get more guys to like her. I think that’s also a maintenance thing.

As right or wrong as it may be, If one girl is a lawyer and the other is a flight attendant, and if the lawyer comes off as more serious and the flight attendant comes off as care-free and their looks are equal most men will pick the flight attendant simply because she may be easier to deal with, then the more serious person. Not just easy for sex, but easy to please in where to go, what to eat, what to talk about

I know for me once you have done the high maintenance kind of girls, its really difficult want to go through that much work again especially if you have a choice that doesn't require that much work.

High maintenance isn't always just about spending money. It’s the amount of time, the amount of emotional investment and support, the abiltiy to remain a little independent, and the ability to please a girl without jumping through a million hoops.

I'll go change into my flame proof clothes now. I think I might need them.

What's funny is that I've had the opposite experience from Fergie.

I find well educated and economically secure women easier to be with. In many, if not all, cases, their idenity is much more tied up in themselves rather than in me . . . and they don't need me as much to be tied up in theirs.

To shift the view a bit but keep it on modern relationships, just saw a figure that 266,000 couples, where one or more person is over 65, are living "in sin." I'm elated . . . there's still hope.

Like Chris, I've had the opposite experience. I find independent, confident women less clingy/needy and therefore more low maintenance on an emotional level. As for a social level, it can go either way: some women let men take the lead and will go along with pretty much anything you suggest, others are more choosy. I don't think it's possible to categorically say that one or the other of those styles is preferable but I personally can't stand dating someone vapid who never offers ideas/preferences for what to do. If I wanted someone utterly docile and obedient, I'd get a dog. Regardless, I don't think that's a function of one's career. There are both bossy and docile women (and men, of course) in all walks of life.

Yeah, get ready for the wrath of Brooke. I'm sure it's headed your way.

I have seen both sides of this equation. On the one hand I dated a woman who was entirely dependent upon me for everything. She had less education, less ambition and was completely focused upon me and my ambitions. While it was nice for a while, she quickly became a pain in the @ss and eventually became angry that everything focused upon me and my career. Since she was so dependent upon me, it was hard to dump her without leaving her on the curb. I got lucky and she went home to mom in the end.

On the other end, I am married to a wonderful woman who is more educated, but just as ambitious as I am. This is a great example of being together because we want to vs. have to for both of us.

I tend to call this the dating a girl vs. dating a woman theory. Girls want and need to be taken care of and women like to be taken care of sometimes, but also to take care of you. Women are their own person and girls are looking to you to see what they should be.

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Great point Steve. Therein lies the distinction between a child and an adult, be it male or female. When one looks for a partner, more than education and income should be integrity, morality and responsibilty above all for one's self.
It is very telling to observe how your partner interacts and treats others. Eventually, that person will be you.

At my former company, many of the women in top-level executive positions had stay at home husbands. I think when one person is at a certain level in their career, and both want to have a family, it may be the only option. Fortune had an article about "Trophy Husbands" where this was just the case. It did seem that the couples had started out on similar levels, but when one got promoted or transferred, it became a more event driven decision for the man to stay home. However, without history in the relationship, I think it is difficult for some men to operate in a non-traditional role.

Just thinking about major events of the 20th century that have resulted in a significant transformation of gender roles and identity: the women's suffrage movement, women leaving the home and joining the workforce in huge numbers during WWII, then the feminist movement. Now Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and metrosexuals. Men are becoming more like women and women more like men.

And, there is a huge focus in our society on women, but what about men? Are we leaving them behind, robbing them of their identity, throwing them into day spas and waxing their backs?

One guy I interviewed said something to the effect that 'if women would just let the man be the man, a lot more relationships would work out.'

But what does it mean to be a man today?

I think that men today have quite a bit more to consider when entering a relationship then their fathers and grandfathers did. I would almost venture to say that CAN BE more difficult to be a man today, than it is to be a woman. Although I expect Brooke to come with both guns blaring at me.... ;-)

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