mother in need of help!! - Page 2 - PhillyBlog

marnie · #11 (**permalink**) 12-22-2007, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAdlerian

Yes, a B Mod program is designed to make the kid feel good about achieving his goal, enjoy the meaningful reward he gets, and become conditioned to your giving it to him. It's important that the kid agree to the goal, and pick his own reasonable reward. If the kid is given a goal that is stupid to him or a reward means nothing, then the plan won't work.

In this case, the "punishment" will be not getting your reward and nothing else is to be added to the punishment, such as pain.

Also, if his only goal is to put away the dishes, and he does, but then pinches his sister, he still gets the reward because there is no current goal about pinching your sister. That's to make sure that you're defeating things like an addiction to negative attention. He can win at at least one thing, even if the rest of the day was crap.

GOOD STUFF!!

The good old fashioned Positive Reward/Negative Reward system. Works real well when the parent or guardian consistently adheres to it without waver. No mixed messages, just straight up stuff.
In a family situation where the child is a middle child, as the original poster pointed out, the same system of positive/negative rewards needs to be implemented for each of the other children as well. Of course the goals and rewards would be tailored to each child's individuality. You wouldn't want the "designated problem child" to feel alienation from his siblings and vise versa. Peace

Tannhauser · #12 (**permalink**) 12-22-2007, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheronross

... I have tried various theripist and all failed him they basically write down a goal for that week and reward him for it with stickers if he follows through well he gets all the rewards for home because i'm his mother and i'll beat his ass if doesn't do right but the problem is in school he has already been suspended 2wice and the constant calling i am a mother of 3 and i really need help with my middle child in school i even signed him up 4 a tss worker 2 sit in class with him and of course he is on a waiting list what do i do in the meantime before he's kicked out of school ...

I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, but you may have it yourself. Certainly you've created the longest run on sentence in history.

QVNewcomer · #13 (**permalink**) 12-22-2007, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tannhauser

I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, but you may have it yourself. Certainly you've created the longest run on sentence in history.

Obviously you haven't been reading the Animal Rights thread in the lounge.

#14 (**permalink**) 12-22-2007, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marnie

GOOD STUFF!!

The good old fashioned Positive Reward/Negative Reward system. Works real well when the parent or guardian consistently adheres to it without waver. No mixed messages, just straight up stuff.
In a family situation where the child is a middle child, as the original poster pointed out, the same system of positive/negative rewards needs to be implemented for each of the other children as well. Of course the goals and rewards would be tailored to each child's individuality. You wouldn't want the "designated problem child" to feel alienation from his siblings and vise versa. Peace

Right.

The way to ruin such a program is to have a parent who's not in control of themselves running it. They have be on point and consistent, and that can't let their anger suddenly destroy the bond that the plan is supposed to create.

As you were getting at, if you have one than one kid it's good to get them all on a plan so that no one kid feels special or bad for having to be on the plan.

If you do the work up from then chances are that you'll have far less trouble with the kids in their teens. That's when things can get ugly, and create serious setbacks in the kid's life.

#15 (**permalink**) 12-22-2007, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tannhauser

I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, but you may have it yourself. Certainly you've created the longest run on sentence in history.

That's pretty funny.

SammySam · #16 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 03:28 PM

Despite some of the negative and/or off topic posts, I understand that you have a real problem. As a parent of an 8-year old with ADHD, I totally understand.

First, I am always looking for new ideas to do things better. I ordered the 1-2-3 Magic book.

Second, we moved our child to a private school at which I teach. A Christian approach goes a very long way with him.

Lastly, if you are not in a position to send your child to a private school, you need to insist on a 504 Plan. Start by reading the info at this site:

http://add.about.com/od/forparents/a/section504.htm

With a 504 Plan, your child cannot be punished because of a disability. This is absolutely not to say that ADHD is an excuse. However, a well written 504 Plan will require teachers and staff to use appropriate techniques with your child such as 8 math problems instead of 10; seating in the classroom in the least distracting spot, etc.

If any such accomodations are not followed by staff, the child cannot be held accountable (suspended) for their lack of proper care.

Speak to your therapist about getting a 504 Plan implemented immediately.

Good luck!

#17 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SammySam

Despite some of the negative and/or off topic posts, I understand that you have a real problem. As a parent of an 8-year old with ADHD, I totally understand.

First, I am always looking for new ideas to do things better. I ordered the 1-2-3 Magic book.

Second, we moved our child to a private school at which I teach. A Christian approach goes a very long way with him.

Lastly, if you are not in a position to send your child to a private school, you need to insist on a 504 Plan. Start by reading the info at this site:

http://add.about.com/od/forparents/a/section504.htm

With a 504 Plan, your child cannot be punished because of a disability. This is absolutely not to say that ADHD is an excuse. However, a well written 504 Plan will require teachers and staff to use appropriate techniques with your child such as 8 math problems instead of 10; seating in the classroom in the least distracting spot, etc.

If any such accomodations are not followed by staff, the child cannot be held accountable (suspended) for their lack of proper care.

Speak to your therapist about getting a 504 Plan implemented immediately.

Good luck!

The thing is that the parent, when given the plan must actually read it, and take an interest to understand what it means and how to follow through on it. It's my experience that many parents who have trouble with their children aren't big thinkers. They just expect things to happen. I'm sure you experience this as a teacher.

Another problem is that such parents are inconsistent. So today we do this, and tomorrow we'll do that. Then the kid has no idea about structure. The mom in question posts a plead for help and then never returns, telling.

Question:

What do you mean by a "Christian School" regarding environment? I've observed the Friends and Catholic schools in the area and they are polar opposites.

tenzo · #18 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 09:38 PM

The medical school the wife goes to makes accomodations for students with ADHD.

I have mixed feeling about this. First I understand that the person has difficulties and some of the accomodations level the playing field. On the other hand I'm not sure how I would feel about a person with ADHD operating on me.

Most likely my trepidation is due to ignorance. So I'd need more info before feeling comfortable.

#19 (**permalink**) 12-26-2007, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tenzo

The medical school the wife goes to makes accomodations for students with ADHD.

I have mixed feeling about this. First I understand that the person has difficulties and some of the accomodations level the playing field. On the other hand I'm not sure how I would feel about a person with ADHD operating on me.

Most likely my trepidation is due to ignorance. So I'd need more info before feeling comfortable.

I think that's pretty interesting.

I wouldn't want an ADHD doctor, nor one being treated by amphetamines for it either.

tenzo · #20 (**permalink**) 12-27-2007, 12:00 PM

There is definatly a point where adjustments can not be made.

I was told of a person who was blind who became a doctor.
Call me ignorant, but I'd rather not have that person cutting into me.