First Friday sucks. Simply put. I was too young to care when First Friday actually mattered, but in my observation, what happens is that little pseuod-cool hipsters (and I think real "hipsters" are lame too) come out to look at art that they don't understand or care to, much less have an interest in purchasing, and have more alcohol than they ever drink on any other night. Hey, I love alcohol and I hope everyone enjoys it responsibly. But these kids and not-so-kids drink 3 or 4 glasses of wine, and decide to scream on the street or piss all over the place. And I'm not just talking about the guys.

I am not an artist and don't try to be, probably because they can express their feelings with a picture, sculpture, or performance better than they actually communicate with people (sorry for the dig) verbally, but then again, they don't understand how Sunday afternoons for me are always reserved for a multitude of sporting events and how the results of such events make our city "matter" on a national scale (trust me, a Phillies playoff berth means much, MUCH more to us that any new restaurant, band, or whatever exhibit is at the Art Museum). With that in mind, this "artist" thing has gone just a little bit too far. Its not a hippie convention. The sidewalks don't need to be crowded with dreadlocked college chicks without bras tripping on ecstacy listening to weak ass folk/african music by their boyfriends. And then use their parents' cash to get a train or cab home.

1) Stop giving alcohol out for free for entering any gallery, unless you would like to share a glass of wine with a buyer, who may just be a new fan. Just as in music, if someone buys one piece of work, they will probably like something else you've created, whatever it is.

2) Reserve space, like those stupid parking lots on 3rd between Market and Arch, Market and Chestnut, and 2nd between Market and Chestnut on First Fridays for all the artists that just set up shop wherever they want on the ground. Yeah, this sucks, but its gotten to the point where its so crowded on the sidewalk, just to walk through, you can't see all the pieces anyway. Lets kill the parking lots on FF and let people set up tents/booths for their work. If you can't afford the $200 to have a tent/booth, you shouldn't be lying out your crappy **** anyway. No matter how hipster you are.

3) Charge admission. Yeah, it will definitely kill the spirit, but if you charged just $10 to enter at 3rd and market, 95% of the problems would go away. The only people that would enter would be people that were interested in making a purchase, people that really appreciated the art, or people that didn't fall in either of those categories, but were genuinely interested in learning.

I live adjunct to the Wood St grassy area that is pretty much the domain of the Old City Dog Clique, and last night I watched 2 ladies drop a squat underneath a tree because they had to piss. Needless to say, I made it as uncomfortable for them as possible and I'm sure that one of them was so surprised she fell backwards into her own puddle. These "ladies" were of the ridiculous chino-shorts-with-heels type, and I hope they sprinkled on said heels. To add, I'm 100% sure this isn't the market that FF was intended to attract.

Lets just kill FF. Its already over anyway, considering that there is a SWEAT gym up 3rd. I'm not sure if SWEAT gym(s) are serious about themselves, or its just a 15 year running Saturday Night Live skit about skeevey gyms, with dudes that have spandex workout gear and chicks that like to wear full makeup to "work out".

Thanks for reading my rant. Screw you hipsters, you're not as cool as you think. But definitely more hip than those chicks with chino shorts and high heels, crouching to pee on all of it.